I’m not a movie reviewer, I just play one on this blog sometimes

Monday has gotten off to a spectacular start. Through no fault of my employer, my insurance has been messed up since the beginning of December. I wasn’t too worried, even though I was going to need to refill my Zoloft mid-month; the medication is so inexpensive that my copay doesn’t even kick in. Then I realized, about two days before my medication ran out, that I had no refills left. I checked in at work about the status of our insurance; the issue was close to being resolved and I figured, at most, I’d go a few days without medication. Not ideal but not frightening. I am forgetful enough that two days without medication isn’t unheard of. (I would not recommend this as a lifestyle, especially if you have to interact with other people in any capacity whatsoever.) It’s been more than a few days at this point and when I called my insurance carrier to fax proof of coverage to my doctor so the doctor would refill my medication, I was informed that there was no active coverage for me in the system. Then when I called the doctor’s office to beg for a pity refill, I was informed that I had to see the doctor before I could get the script. Fine. I’ll pay out of pocket for the appointment and submit a reimbursement. Oh, you don’t have active insurance right now? Then we can’t see you. Before she ended the call, the receptionist told me to take care of myself.


So after a brief stint of sobbing and pacing around the apartment, I decided to watch the last of four movies we rented from Redbox last night. Movies are a holiday tradition in my family dating back to probably when we got our first VCR. Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Harry Potter, Christmas movies (have I mentioned that when I visit them during the summer, we watch all of our Christmas movies? because we totally do.) There is nothing we love more than hanging out on the couch with blankets and a bunch of movies that half of us sleep through. It’s the best way to spend the holidays.

We lucked out with the movies we rented yesterday. We enjoyed all four of them, and the other two movies we’ve seen over the break.

A surprisingly enjoyable film about fatherhood. Vince Vaughn plays the man-child perfectly (again) but this character is endearing and well-intentioned. Would recommend if you’re looking for something light and sweet and funny.

Black Nativity
I didn’t realize this was adapted from a Langston Hughes play or that it was a musical but y’all, it’s so good. Another movie about fatherhood but also about motherhood, parenthood, and all the complications therein. You will be frustrated and entertained and moved to tears and you will just sit there and marvel at JHud’s voice for the entire damn movie.

The Neighbors
I rented this with trepidation. It could’ve easily been offensive and raunchy and Feminist Killjoy could’ve been activated and I really didn’t want to have wasted money. Guess what? I didn’t waste money! I really enjoyed this movie and not just because I love Zefron, Seth Rogan, Rose Byrne, and the Hot Franco. The frat boy humor was far less cringe-inducing than I anticipated, and Rose Byrne is hilarious and gorgeous. There is an adorable baby, an incredible rager involving metal barrels and pot, and Dave Franco’s almost hilariously huge biceps.

The Skeleton Twins
The most somber of the movies we rented. It’s funny but dark in a way that only Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig can pull off. If you’ve never heard of the film, Hader and Wiig play twins (Milo and Maggie – BEST NAMES EVER) who are dealing with HUGE issues separately until life forces them to deal with those issues together. There are entire scenes in this movie where I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes and moments later, those tears of laughter were tears of not laughter. It’s sad but I recommend it, especially if you love these two actors.

The Million Dollar Arm
It’s a baseball movie, so of course we rented it! Also, Brian Wilson participated in a pitching clinic for this program. You can see video of him with the winners here, but OMG SPOILER ALERT, YOU FIND OUT WHO WON. The movie is entertaining and enjoyable for a single viewing but probably isn’t something I’d buy for my collection. I can’t quite put my finger on it…but it was my least favorite of the movies we rented. (Also Jon Hamm spent 90% of the movie sounding like Seth Rogan.)

Enter the BEST. MOVIE. EVER. My cold, bitter feminist heart warmed from the opening scenes of this movies and remained warm until the final credit rolled. The tale of Maleficent parallels the life of an assault survivor. It is brave. It is fierce. It is unapologetic. Angelina Jolie is absolute perfection. She is poised and graceful, even with a splatter of mud on her sharp cheekbone. Maleficent is flawed and real, a bundle of exposed nerves after her violation. She makes rash decisions with long-reaching consequences and yet shows mercy when her attacker – a person with whom she once had an intimate relationship – refuses to treat her with any kind of respect or decency. A+ movie. Adding it to my wishlist. PLEASE WATCH THIS NOW. It’s so good.

We’ve also been rewatching Wonderfalls (a Bryan Fuller show that many hate but we LOVE); I got Sigot a new series set for her birthday since her original copy is contaminated* and no longer available. There are so many wonderful points to this show, namely a young Lee Pace and a young Caroline Dhavernas and a young Tracie Thoms and a young Jewel Staite. And numerous other guest actors that make you go “hey, it’s that guy/girl!” Also Rue McClanahan! And lines like “You’ve got some ovum coming back here.”

What have you watched over the holidays? Anything I should add to my list for this week?


**looks like FAMILY TITS

You have died of dysentery

Remember Oregon Trail? Of course you do. Pixelated horses and pixelated rivers and pixelated buffalo. It was the highlight of my day when I got some good Oregon Trail time in. We became experts at the right amount of food, right amount of bullets. We knew the risks of fording the river. We (I) hated hunting.

Sometimes we died of dysentery. Like this week, when C and I died of dysentery from getting supplies at Fort Pizza Hut. It was Sunday evening, it was a thousand billion degrees outside, and we were starving after spending an afternoon at the pool. E doesn’t eat meat or dairy, so she got breadsticks and was spared the indignity that C and I suffered.

Oh yeah, Pizza Hut. Your pizza, which was delicious at the time, made us sick. Not right away. No, it waited like a freaking lion in the brush and then pounced like we were wounded gazelle. It has lasted three entire days. Boo, Pizza Hut! Boo for making us die of dysentery!

We did not make it to Oregon. We suffered quietly in the back of our wagon while E bumped us along the rocky, miserable road to wherever it is our sorry carcasses gave in to your cheesy, doughy toxins.




Trigger warning: rape, rape culture


I just read something on Tumblr about Daniel Tosh that I wish I could erase from my consciousness. Like, seriously it made me so angry that I have indigestion. INDIGESTION. CAUSED BY DANIEL EFFING TOSH. This guy is, for a lack of a better word, a total piece of shit. You know, hahaha rape jokes are soooooooooooooooo funny, man. I still haven’t figured out WHY they’re funny, just that a lot of people (A LOT OF PEOPLE) find them SUPER HILARIOUS.

And you know what’s the absolute killer thing about Daniel Tosh’s unending rape joke schtick? Statistically, he knows women who have been raped. And to stand on stage and make money JOKING about it? Are you effing KIDDING ME? What could you possibly be accomplishing with that aside from adding to your piles of money and teaching other people that it is TOTALLY fine to mock and laugh at rape and rape victims? Someone said he was probably satirizing rape. Um. Satire only works if you’re good at using it, douchebag. And if that’s your idea of satire, lord help us all.

Seriously though, Daniel Tosh cannot fade into obscurity quickly enough. And sadly enough, I doubt that’s going to happen because too many people find abusive, mean, and wildly inappropriate and vile humor appealing. It’s a sad, disgusting commentary on our culture.

The void we’ll fill

You know what sucks about going to the internet for inspiration and workout routines? You can’t escape bullshit fitspo blogs, websites, and “advice”.  I say bullshit because it’s not fitspo (fitness inspiration), it’s just fat hatred or worse, pro-ana or pro-mia (pro anorexia or pro bulimia) stuff woven into talk about fitness. It’s frustrating when your goal isn’t to lose weight but rather to make your body function better. That’s all I want to do. I’m in my 30s now and that means things slow down a little and joints tighten up, and I don’t want to be hobbling around right NOW because what will that mean in twenty years?

The problem, again, is that almost every single place I look online for new workout ideas, I’m overwhelmed with WOULD YOU RATHER WORKOUT OR WOULD YOU RATHER BE A BIG FAT FATTY and honestly, as a big fat fatty, that kind of hurts my feelings. Because you know what? I have a really awesome life. It’s fulfilling and happy and more than I ever thought I’d achieve. The blanket assumption of fat = unhappy is annoying to many, many fat people. NEWSFLASH. We are not all miserable and hoping and praying that we’ll one day find the silver bullet to our fatness. No. Some of us are just fat. Deal with it.

Today I found this winner of an image on Pinterest and it REALLY PISSED ME OFF. Both of those things fit into my busy schedule. And because both of those things fit into my schedule, and the schedules of other fatties like me, my BFF and I are going to start a new blog. For exercising fatties. There will be no bullshit diet talk. There will be no YOU SHOULD EXERCISE TO BE THIN. There will be MOVE YOUR BODY IN ANYWAY YOU CAN BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD and EATING LOTS OF CALORIES IS INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT WHEN UNDERTAKING A DEMANDING WORKOUT REGIMEN. Because it is. OMG you guys it so is.

For years and years, I struggled with food. Being a woman, I was taught from a very young age that fat was not desirable or good in any way, shape, or form. It never came from my parents, a fact for which I am eternally grateful, but it came from pretty much every other source. Schoolmates, strangers, magazines. So I developed a really unhealthy relationship with food. I developed a really unhealthy obsession with not eating. Because one summer, I discovered that not eating worked really well at keeping the ol’ poundage off. I spent a lot of time beating myself up because I caved to my hunger pangs like some sort of pansy and then not only did I eat, I binged, and thus began the starve-binge-starve-binge-starve-binge cycle.

And then one day, I had had enough. I had just finished that stupid Special K diet (I advise you to never, under any circumstance, undertake that diet. You are starving yourself and depriving your body of seriously needed nutrients.) and I was sick. My BFF knows more about this because she witnessed it as an outsider but I was sick. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. I had had enough. It took a lot of work, it took a lot of tears, but I finally started to separate my thoughts about food from the act of eating.

It’s been years since that happened and it isn’t easy. Still. I slip back into it, especially when I’m stressed out, but I’m better at catching myself and making myself eat when I’m hungry. I eat as intuitively as I’m able (like, I’ve been craving shrimp for like two weeks and have yet to partake in any UGH I WANT SHRIMP SO BADLY) and ignore as much dieting talk as I can. Because when I listen or when I let it bore its way into my psyche, I fall off the wagon. I start restricting. I start craving the headache and the dizziness and the little thrum of adrenaline that shoots through my veins. And I can’t live like that.

So this is why we’re starting the blog. To give people a break from the diet talk. To talk about how to realistically workout when your goal is movement and not weight loss. To talk about how you will be hungry A LOT ALL OF THE TIME when you workout everyday. To talk about how you need to eat when you get hungry because otherwise you’re depriving your body of much-needed energy. Because it’s been a challenge for me, undertaking a workout routine and dealing with the onslaught of hunger. More than anything, it has taught me that I have so much farther to go in my battle against my disordered thinking. I wasn’t eating enough before. Most days I still don’t eat enough. I’m working on it, but I think that’s why our forthcoming blog is important. There are so many people like me who go online to find inspiration, help, or ideas, and they’re met with all of this fake fitspo that does more harm than good. And in the meantime, if you’re looking for someone to chat with about working out that doesn’t have anything to do with weight loss, send me an email!

Five minute diatribe

So I’m really full of it this morning because it’s TOUR DATE DAY and I’ve had it UP TO HERE, ABOVE MY HEAD, with people being douchey misogynists when it comes to women who like or participate in sports. Shut the eff up. We are not all in it for the hots guys. We are not all lesbians. We know the rules. We love the rush of adrenaline you get when your team takes the field. We have just as much right to be here and enjoy the game as you do. We have every right to discuss sports, to participate in sports, and to cover sports as you do. We are not unqualified because we have vaginas. We are not here for you to sexualize, harass, abuse, or belittle. We are not going away and we are not backing down. So just shut up and keep your snide commentary about women to yourselves. We’re too busy scoring the game.


Anyone who was within hearing distance of our apartment, or following me on Twitter, got to witness the absolute upheaval of my emotions tonight while I watched the OSU game. At the end of it all, as heartbroken as I am over the loss of the game, and more importantly, the loss of women’s basketball coach Kurt Budke and assistant coach Miranda Serna, I kind of think that ISU deserved to win that game. We played horribly. Whether it was just our time to lose, a bad night caused by the emotions of losing members of the OSU family, or a stupid fluke, ISU out-played us. It’s been a hell of a year for OSU football and guess what? It’s not over yet.

Image courtesy of baseball-bat.tumblr.com, which you probably should avoid if you are a rational and decent human being.

A few baseball-related notes: Justin Verlander won the AL Cy Young, Clayton Kershaw won the NL Cy Young, and four Giants pitchers got votes. Congratulations to our starting pitchers, who basically carried the team this season.

Darren Ford got DFA’d.


Secondhand embarrassment

I’m from Oklahoma. I have no idea what to make of THIS shiz:


A long time ago, I was mildly obsessed with the Sonics and my parents were nice enough to take my brother and I (and them, obviously) to a game in Dallas to see the Sonics play and my dad and I sneaked down to the REALLY good seats, right next to the court, so we could watch the players run in and Shawn Kemp was SO ENTIRELY MASSIVE and it was amazing and AAAHHHH.


Electric Girl pointed out the “never forget” thing, which made her think of the bombing, and OKAY I can give you that, Oklahoma City. But idek if it has anything to actually do with piggybacking a sports team on a tragedy. Whatever. STILL NOT COOL, OKC.