Vogelblog

Remember how, at the end of last season, I created my own awards and gave them away to baseball players? Remember how I gave Ryan Vogelsong an award for having the story I never wanted to hear about again? Well, I, and Ryan, should have known that it wouldn’t be so easy as putting an offseason between a break-out, come-back season and a new season. Good lord no. Ryan Vogelsong is going to live with the spectre of 2011 for the rest of his life, a thing for which I am sure he is eternally grateful. I’m not even being sarcastic. Even if I was tired of hearing his story over and over and over again, it still inspired me and made me happy because who doesn’t want to hear about someone who pays zir dues and then is handsomely rewarded with success?

The Giants media machine has been in high gear the past few months, shooting spots for the new commercials. They are, like Giants commercials in seasons past, humorous and enthralling and aimed at getting us pumped for the 2012 season. It’s working. I mean, who doesn’t like to watch Brian Wilson run in slow motion through the streets of San Francisco while his ocean blue eyes pierce your soul?

Wait. What?

At any rate, after the quirky “it’s not just X but also Y” ™ commercial came out (and let’s mourn together that some of us don’t live or work in the Bay Area and couldn’t be extras in these commercials), a few others have appeared on the ol’ TV box. Shot the same day, or around the same time, as the “it’s not just X but also Y” ™ spot, they focus on an individual player. The first I saw was for Buster Posey, which I may have very well cried during because IT’S BUSTER POSEY HITTING A BALL A BUNCH OF TIMES. The second one was for Tim Lincecum, which was almost pornographic, what with the soft focus on his eyes and the flowing hair and his entire delivery in slow motion. The third was for Ryan Vogelsong. I saw it this morning, online. And uh…it’s approaching creeper status.

This is why we love Ryan Vogelsong.
And this is why we love Ryan Vogelsong.
This. Is why. We love. Ryan.

I imagine all Giants fans posted outside the Vogelhouse, binoculars in hand, watching while Ryan does the dishes. Or while Ryan brushes his teeth. Or while Ryan frantically calls 9-1-1 because there are 50,000 people sitting outside DEAR MOTHER OF GOD MAKE THEM GO AWAYYYYYYYYYYYY.

It’s like the Giants quietly surveyed Tumblr in order to get the creeper vibe just right. And I think they nailed it. I mean, they could’ve thrown in a few more MRS. VOGELSONG shirts to make it more authentic, but they probably didn’t want Nicole to stab everyone in the face with her fabulousness*.

My greatest hope for Ryan in the upcoming season is domination. World domination. And a new story. A better story. One that includes a ring.

Vogey is currently scheduled to pitch an inning tomorrow night against Texas. He shouldn’t have any problems, as Texas is a rather large and cumbersome state that swings at like, anything. Also, Baggs gave Tim Lincecum some advice about balls today. The mental image was, at best, scarring.

*Nicole is fabulous and you should all love her and follow her on Twitter.